Monday, July 28, 2008

How Great are the Fucking Rockies???

Well, that's kind of joke if you read my earlier post about how bad they suck.

Yes, they're playing better. Sure they're 6 games out in a crappy division. Can they close the gap in the next 2 months? If they can't, then they really, truly are the losers they have shown themselves to be.

If the Rockies get within a game or two of whatever team leads the division (right now it's the in Douche Bags), I think they can over take and sneak into the playoffs. Will they reproduce the magic of last season? Don't count on that. But if they play well, and play well consistently down the stretch, well why the hell not?

Drop some games to the lowly Pirates starting tonight and it certainly doesn't look good for them. We'll revisit in a week.

Christmas in July? How about Rocktober in September?


Sunday, July 27, 2008

A Season Long Hangover Awaits You....

Tequila tastes like shit. Margaritas are good. If one doses tequila with enough sugar and limeade it can be masked to the point where one likes it enough to demand it. Mixed down properly, Tequila makes a person feel good and it doesn‘t leave a sour taste in one’s mouth.

Marcus Camby and Eduardo Najera were, to your Denver Nuggets, what sugar and limeade are to Tequila. It wasn’t as hard to swallow the bitterness of Carmelo Anthony or to keep from gagging on Allen Iverson with sweet ingredients in the mix. With the news of recent layoffs, however, fans are choking like Denver in the first round of the Playoffs.

The Nuggets brass, it seems, has an aversion to the things that make this team palatable. After Dan Issell‘s spill, Najera brought the bario back into the arena while offering bite from the bench. Camby strolled into the role of the new Daddy Bruce and licked the defensive player of the Year Award just two season ago as Nuggets Captain. They, along with Kiki Vanderweigh, Earl Boykins, Andre Miller, Jeff Bzdelic and Jon Barry have all been dismissed. Kenyon Martin, however, remains.

I love a shot of super-star in my NBA experience, but I prefer it watered down.


Monday, July 14, 2008

How bad do the Rockies fucking suck?

Look. I didn't expect them to go back to the World Series, but seriously, they are so bad it makes it really hard to take.

I followed the Rockies when they were (are) bad. And it was incredible to watch them go on such an amazing run to reach the Series. So seeing them revert back to sucking a hairy dick is that much harder to watch.

They should have at least been in contention to win their division this year and they have no shot. In a division that blows to begin with!

I'd call for Clint Hurdle's arrogant, well coiffed head, but really, who would want to manage this team? Might as well pay him that huge bonus they gave him and let him finish grinding the team into the ground.

The Rockies will show some signs of life like they've done all season long, but the next time they do (definitely not at Shea stadium), it will be far too late.

Kiss Holliday goodbye. No reason to keep him when you can get top dollar for him. He's leaving anyway when his deal's up. And maybe Tulowitzki should start hanging out with Carmelo Anthony. Two young divas who aren't living up to their potential should definitely become friends.

See you in another 15 years when the Rox go on another magical run only to disappoint...not in the Series, that wasn't disappointing at all. But season after season when bad management meets bad ownership for a colossal stream of urine running down the team's collective leg.


Friday, July 11, 2008

Praise for Mile High Sports Magazine by Colin

My wife bought me a subscription to Mile High sports Magazine shortly after its inception. My favorite feature is "Things we like / Things we don't like about sports".

In honor of that feature I give you:

Good Stuff. Things we like about MHSM.

Dinger Bashing: the constant barrage of Barney barbs is a reason enough to pick up every issue.

James Merilatt: seems like a good sort of fellah, doesn't he?

Report Card: nice, concise and I almost always agree.

We deserve it: Denver is a great sports town that has earned a slick mag like this one.

Picture perfect: MHSM offers stunning photography in the tradition of Sports Illustrated. Never miss the picture spread near the back. It always rocks.

Norm's Notes: Sarcastic, pessimistic. He is someone a fan can love hating.

Avalanche coverage: It's nice to have something in common with my wife even if it is an appreciation for Liles' steely eyes.

Interviews: Thorough and thoughtful ones on one make MHSM enlightening.

Guy Stuff: Scantily clad girls aside, its' nice to mix a dose of entertainment with sports.

Bad Stuff. Things we don't like about MHSM

False assumptions: the predicted premature demise of the '07 Rockies was only the tip of the ice burg (right, Avs fans?).

Weak Excuses: In the internet age a magazine can't make up news regardless of deadline. There are no safe assumptions in sports.

Snow Hussies: I'll look at the web if I want boobies. Hooters girls and local massage therapists in short shorts need not apply.

Digs (sponsored by American Furniture Warehouse): Are you kidding me? Do you really think we care where Ed McCaffrey lives or what Drew Soicher's leather couch looks like? No. We don't.

Adventure guy: I just want to slap that undersized Broncos helmet right off his goofy head. It's the worst kind of filler.

Girl in your corner: See snow hussies (above). The "You can take me seriously while you ogle my flat tummy" pose gets old.

Gary Radz, DDS: a jackass dentist in a turtleneck posing with six sluts in every issue! Great. See snow hussies (above).

Preps Quiz: If you answered more than 20% correct you are a potential creepy child molester. Who knows this stuff?

(K)BPI: The only things lamer than the cheesiest rock station in the West are the co-promotions it does with MHSM.